So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
