i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
