Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
