last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My breasts were aching with rage.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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