Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
