Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Soap is not a condiment
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
