If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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