I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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