He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
my shit smells like andre
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
