Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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