I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
