Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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