Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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