So drunk its hurt
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
