Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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