He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
