I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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