I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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