I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
