My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
This can only be settled by a dance off.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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