dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
