Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
