Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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