I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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