..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I AM VODKA MAN
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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