Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
