Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
