well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
