He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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