im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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