we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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