I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize