i don't like sucking hair
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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