His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
