Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
