She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
