Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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