i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
