i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
