my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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