remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Randomize
