Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
