i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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