8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
