and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Can you bring me the toilet please
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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