Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
