The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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