8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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