apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
