i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
