I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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