Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize