If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm both gender and math confused
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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