Got a toothbrush?
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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