Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
