Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
only if we run a train.
done.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
