can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
