I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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