omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize