Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
