I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
