My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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