They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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