Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Boobs are out for the taking
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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