alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
