I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
