Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
