Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
