God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize