mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
