I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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