He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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