It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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