R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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