Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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