found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
