Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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