I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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