Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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