haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
