You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
