our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
