What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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