eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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