don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
