Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Your penis caused this!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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