Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
