matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
