no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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