I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
