Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
