4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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