we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
