Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize