I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
