All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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