I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So many bounce houses so little time
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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