M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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