Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
