I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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