you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
