i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
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