I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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