I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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