It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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