People in love make me want to vomit
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
what is it with giant penises always finding me
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
