pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
