I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Drake has all the answers
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
