Can Purell be used as lube?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
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