I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
