All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
