how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize