uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The air was thick with penises
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
